I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
