Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
