Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
