Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
