hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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