Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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