I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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