So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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