you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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