I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
