bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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