he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just forgot I was standing up.
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