what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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