Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize