I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize