Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
