dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
