life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
