Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
