Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
