I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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