ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
