So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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