Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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