apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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