I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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