dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
