so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
