tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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