she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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