THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
