the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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