I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
