i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
