It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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