I queefed so loud it echoed.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
