I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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