The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
