I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
