there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize