Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
