I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
