Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize