Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
