how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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