I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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