Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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