I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I checked into jail on foursquare
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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