Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
