Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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