matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize