Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
