All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
