I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
