My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
