Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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