Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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