I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
