420 ftw
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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