hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
