i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
