the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
