My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
