Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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