Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We need a shit load of segways right now
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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