let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
