that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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