K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
