i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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