It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
