I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
