you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
