So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
